Chuck Norris

1.If you have five dollars, and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more than you
2.There is no ctrl button on Chuck Norris's computer, Chuck Norris is always in control
3.Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents everytime he buys a song
4.Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open
5.Chuck Norris can eat just one Lays potato chip
6.Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls "everywhere around you"
7.Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table of elements, because he only recognizes the element of surprise
8.Chuck Norris can kill two stones in one bird
9.If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
10.There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
11.When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
12.When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
13.Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
14.Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
15.In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
16.Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
17. If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
18.Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
19.Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
20.Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
21.When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000
22.Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
23.Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
24.Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
25.Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.